WHEN...

when he touched me,
i thought i should pray for his forgiveness
for his weakness
and for mine....

when he violated me,
i thought i should die
for God did not want me
and he did not care

when he was not punished,
i thought God could not kill him enough times
to make up for what he did to me
and to all the others he touched with his life

when he survived,
and i did not want to
i hated him and life
for laughing at me

when i was finally permitted happiness
i did not enjoy it
i looked for the flaw
for the unseen
and even for the unforgivable

But today when he came around that corner
my spirit quivered just a little
and then i kissed my son
and i walked on
and it did not ruin my day.....

when he dies
i will not cry
and maybe i will say that silent thank you
but i am not sure i will march in the parade
i am not sure anymore that i will cheer

for when a human allows themselves to be evil
i do not believe
God cheers....
and today i cared about that....

july 2002